Day 37

I’m still here!

Almost done with the construction in my home. Should be able to use my ‘ transition room’ by wednesday, fingers crossed! I went away to my sisters for the weekend. Got home, and started the big task of cleaning my apartment that is covered in concrete dust. After washing floors, dusting, and vacuuming, I did work up a big sweat! Burned a few  hundred calories doing that at least.

Staying active is the key!

Day 33

Today is new day !

Just came back from a nice afternoon walk. I walked about 2. 40 km. On the way I stopped at the St. Lawrence Market then into Starbucks for an ice coffee and walked back to my office. Allergies under control now, construction continues at home, but according to a friend that is a Psychic reader, he says that Leo’s are in a very strong position this week! .. I will overcome all obstacles and be thankful and grateful for all my wonderful friends and family supporting this journey!

Day 32.5

Rob Writes….

I understand your allergies must be pretty bad. Despite your allergies and construction woes, what can you be thankful for?

A lot of factors go in to determining your success. A big factor is Gratitude. As you know, struggling with weight and depression involves a lot of negative self-talk and complaining which are habits formed to sustain your weight and depression; it’s circular. Part of retraining your habits is changing every complaint to a thought of gratitude.

For example: “My place is a mess because of my construction woes,” can be changed to, “Thank God I’ve got a gorgeous penthouse that can be under construction.” “I’ve got terrible allergies,” can be changed to, “In terms of health ailments I could be suffering from, allergies are pretty benign and manageable.”

I’m not suggesting that you should always put a happy face on in less than desirable circumstances – when something sucks, acknowledge that it sucks and then choose a different perspective to move beyond it.

But know that complaining is a little addictive too because we’re all addicted to one thing – being right! We wouldn’t complain or get involved in negative self-talk if we didn’t believe we were right or wanted to convince everyone else we were right as well. To a positive suggestion of joining the Y, you reinforced how difficult your situation is by saying you’re in “survival mode,” your allergic reaction is “tremendous,” that you’re “sneezing your head off,” that your nose is a “dripping faucet,” and that you can’t even contemplate exercise. Your habit of negative self-talk always asks you to locate an excuse to prevent you from being successful and you elaborate on how dire the excuse is to prove that you’re right. But it’s not a conscious process, this is your weight talking, this is your negative self-talk, this is your low self-esteem: “I can’t exercise because of A and B and C, but let me explain further why A and B and C are so terrible so that you’re as convinced as I am that I can’t do it! That way, I don’t have to think about being successful because all I really want is to escape the responsibility of achieving and living up to my success because I’m afraid of failing.” Remember, these aren’t necessarily conscious thoughts but the terrible cycle of negative self-talk and depression and it must be broken.

It’s taken me years to get over my negative self-talk, to dig myself out of depression, and still I struggle nearly every day with it. But what helps is gratitude. Even if it doesn’t get you moving physically, mentally it moves you in the right direction.

I’ll paste a part of gratitude that I’ve written before:

“Or maybe you can help but feel grateful, stuck as you are in the habit of thinking negatively about your every experience. When I just mentioned that you could be thankful for your body or your friends or your job, did any thoughts cross your mind like, “My body’s too ugly to be grateful for” or “I may have friends but not the kind of friends I want” or “Why would I be thankful for a job that I hate?” If you are someone who instinctively considers the negative, let’s go deeper than gratitude and let me rephrase the question.

Are you happy?

You may wonder why I would ask such a thing in place of what you are thankful for, but the truth is gratitude and happiness are so connected that one could state with confidence how highly you rate on one based on how you answer the other. Moreso than love, spirituality and forgiveness, gratitude has been found to be one of the strongest correlators to how satisfied we are with our lives. So often we can take the simple pleasures for granted and complain about what we don’t have. Some spend their whole lives chasing happiness like a dangling carrot, that a car or house or relationship or certain number on the scale is all that stands in the way of certain bliss. But recognizing the gifts in your life right now gives you happiness right now. It reminds you to enjoy the gifts you have, to derive the greatest pleasure from them and appreciate what is good in your life.”

I share this with you now to help reinforce the necessity of perspective in the face of diversity. Trust me, you are not in “survivor mode” because of allergies and construction. I’ll say again that how you react to your obstacles will determine your success. There will always be allergies, construction, an ex-, a disappointment. Reverend Michael Beckwith said, “Nothing new can come into your life until you’re grateful for what you already have.” Believe him.

Day 32

Rob Moore wrote:
Hi Wendy! No blog postings or Runkeeper stats in the past few days. You ok?

No I’m not!

This construction in my home is a nightmare… I wish I had enough money to move into a hotel!

I have no shower, no water, gapping holes in my kitchen and bathrooms, plastic sheets all over my furniture…

I am sneezing constantly because of the very fine construction dust

I am living on my balcony

no I’m not alright…

this sucks… and it will not be over until next monday

Wendy

Oh my gosh that’s terrible! I know you don’t like it but maybe you could join the Y for a month and get the membership plus (for the better changeroom and women’s facilities) then you could at least have access to the shower regularly and the running track when it’s too hot out to walk.

You are right.. I don’t like it… I will stick it out here… and deal with it… I will try to walk tonight… I will see.. but as you can imagine … I really pissed off! and I am just in survivor mode right now… today they start on my kitchen… so no cooking tonight… have to eat out

I am at my office the whole day.. so at least when I get home at 5:30 the men are gone.. but the mess remains… I just sit on my deck and read a book.. then go to be early…lets just say this week doesn’t exist… 

thanks for your concern, and reaching out Rob.. it really does help! 

Yes, try keeping up your walking for sure.

I know it’s redundant, but I really do feel that how we react to the
obstacles in our journey will determine how successful we are in
reaching our goal. There will always be challenges, tests to see if
you can stay on the right path. Don’t let these circumstances slow you
down.

xo

Rob

 

Day 29

Happy Birthday to me!

Is it weird to wish yourself a Happy Birthday? Who knows!

So today I just finished reading the wonderfully helpful book written by Jillian Michaels~ Unlimited. Good timing too! The last few chapters were about how to take control of your impulsive actions.

Chapter 13 ” Although willpower and emotional regulation are two separate things, they go hand in hand. Irrational feelings often make us impulsive, and if we can control impulsivity, we buy ourselves time to reason to create proactive, empowering solutions. Never forget, one moment of unchecked impulsivity can destroy months or even years of hard work. By better managing your emotions especially the negative ones, you can significantly increase your chances of success in every part of your life. Remember, no matter show strong your self-control may become, like the muscle that gets fatigued, it can get overworked and burn out on you. So you need to learn how to strengthen your willpower and to manage your emotions for those particularly trying times. ” 

Last night I had a bad impulsive moment. I felt lonely, alone and depressed about turning 52. So I ran back to my old habits of washing down these emotions with junk food. Jillian writes, in these sort of moments, you need to take in some really deep breaths, count to 10 and try to think rationally about your present actions. STOP and do something else. I was watching a movie at the time.

Being aware of ALL your actions all the time is the key to learning or in my case un-learning my old habits.

Today is a new fresh day! Today is my Birthday ! I am so blessed to have so many supportive friends and family around me, ( more than 50 people so far wished me Happy Birthday on my Facebook wall today…) and with all that support I must realize that I’m NOT ALONE and many of you do care for me and my well being!

Time for me to start caring about me too!

Jillian Michaels unlimited

Jillian Michaels new book Unlimited.

Day 28

Pouring out your soul on a public blog get results!….

After writing yesterday about getting out more and socializing with buddies, and old high school friend immediately reached out and offered to buddy up. The result was driving up to my old neighbourhood to her house and swim all afternoon in her wonderful backyard pool. Exactly what Rob asks… find other fun ways to get in your exercising for the day. Perfect solution to getting out more, I stayed for dinner too, and was able to stay on the healthy road with lots of fruit and veggies. Thanks Tracy for reaching out and coming to the rescue!

swimming in pool

Taking a swim on Toronto's record highest hot day this summer ever!

 

Day 27

So I went to see HP 7.5 last night. Needed to escape the heat! When I got to the theatre I was hit hard with the very strong urge to buy popcorn to accompany the film. Falling into old habits… yeeks, the urge was so strong, I settled for a small popcorn, first time ever, no large bucket. Next on this venture was squishing my hips into the theatre chair that is enclosed with cup holders on either side of the seat. I fit, but it was a painful and uncomfortable 2 hour sit with the cup holders jamming painfully into my hips. I enjoyed the film but the guiltiness of the popcorn, and the uncomfortable seat made me very frustrated and depressed in thinking about how everyone else in the theatre has no problems fitting into these seats.

Why do I write about this? Because to show myself, and you all out there, that there are daily obstacles that can effect our mood, and can trigger emotional binge eating. The world out there is scary and unpredictable, and the comfort and security of my home can become a dangerous security blanket that makes it harder and harder to venture outside!

In conclusion, what I therefor need to do is go outside socially more often and find a balance of enjoyment without getting out of control because of food temptations, and not be sad about obstacles like seating…finding other seating solutions. BTW there was a seat a the front of theatre without armrests for disabled persons, but it was too close to the movie screen….

Next time I need to find a ‘ buddy ‘ that will go with me, to help me from making wrong choices.

Harry-Potter-and-the-Deathly-Hallows-Part-2-2011

Harry-Potter-and-the-Deathly-Hallows-Part-2-2011

Day 26

Setting Goals…

Toronto has turned into an oven. I went out for a late night walk with my dog Milo last night. The temperature went down a bit to a bearable 26 degrees, so I thought it’s now or never, with never being not for the next few days anyways. I turned on my iPhone App Runkeeper, and then set a goal for myself. It’s been over 2 years ago that I walked down to Yonge/Dundas square, and I thought, lets try that tonight. Rob had asked me to set goals, and this would be one on my list. So at 9pm Milo and I set off. Going down to the square, with the distance of 1.84 km was not to bad. Once I got to the square, had some water and sat and watched 10 min of a free outdoor film that was airing; I then started my way back up. I say up, because it’s uphill all the way! So 3.69 km and 1 hour 39 mins later I finally made it home. Pheew it was tough! I was sweating buckets, and poor Milo was pooped as well. We both had some water, I took a cold shower and went to bed – exhausted!

The key to my success:

1. Pre plan my route, looked up on Google maps how far a distance the square would be, wanting to hit at least a 3 km walk.

2. I had to walk back, I did NOT take my wallet, so couldn’t take public transit or taxi as a cop-out.

3. Look for some inspiration- I had just finished watching a TV segment on OWN about Sarah Ferguson, ” Finding Sarah”  and how she is trying to fix herself with a new physical challenge.

4. Chapter Eleven in Jillian Michaels new book, where she talks about ” Creating the Right Environment”.. taking into account with things in your daily life have the potential to sabotage your success. A. Things that sabotage you at home ( i.e. cupboards and fridge full of bad foods) B. Things that sabotage you at work ( going out for lunch, that coffee room, or snack room with the vending machine) or C. Things that sabotage me in general…( going out for a walk and taking your wallet… you don’t need it!…don’t be tempted to buy anything! )

Day 25

I wanted you all to see the email conversation I had with my trainer Rob in the past 24 hours…Here’s how an addict reacts to being out of control! with the results of tough love from Rob.. but it worked!

On Tue, Jul 19, 2011 at 1:13 AM, Wendy Limbertie wrote:

Rob I’ve been really thinking and am not happy with the present scale situation .. I don’t think this will work !! I really need to see my progress I would like my scale back please!! Remember I have done this many times and the scale has been my great help in my past journeys. If you are using Chris Powells technique remember that all of these candidates have never tried to lose weight before .. I have .. By not having my scale it kinds of feels like not be able to hear my own concert or audition after weeks if hard practicing! Can I please Have it back ! Please believe me that this will not effect our progress it will only enhance it.. This is MY journey And I would like to control it!

Rob writes….I’ll bring it back to you but I’ll ask you this: if you think the scale was such a great help to you, how did you gain all your weight back time and time again?

The people I know who have successfully lost a lot of weight and maintained it have no idea how much they weigh. And the people I know who have yo-yoed their entire life and continued gaining all their weight back were addicted to the scale to give them the high that food used to give them: they want to feel better and that’s what food does and that’s what a big weight loss number on the scale does. And because they depended on food or the scale to make them feel better, when the latter stopped giving them their high, they turned to the former every single time.

Your identity is struggling with weight. You identify yourself with how much you weigh. It’s only natural that you’d want your identity back. I’m saddened to hear that you feel not having your scale is like not hearing your own concert after weeks of practicing. Walking further than you did before, curing your asthma, getting up off the hill in Riverdale, this is what you practice for, this is your symphony, this is what matters, and if you reduce everything to the number on the scale I can guarantee you that your weight loss journey will end, again, in disappointment. But if you can tap into the joy and freedom that fitness is already bringing you and take back the faith you put in the scale and put it into movement, then you’ve already won.

I’ll bring the scale back to you when I come over next and you can decide what you want to do.

Wendy writes…okay… You amaze me Rob! You are good!

But…What I would like to do is at least be able to see my weight for the next 12 weeks or so.. just to see that I am indeed on track.. and then take it away again, I just need to see for myself that what i’m doing food wise and exercise wise is alright!

I am a very GOAL oriented person, always have been, I need a lot of encouragement, and seeing my loss on a weekly bases is a little high for me! Yes I agree, but is that really so bad? Can’t I enjoy also see results besides the moving better, no asthma etc… ?? Thanks for you very wise words! let’s just meet half way… okay? Please don’t be disappointed ! I love that you are becoming my guru, and have very wise advice!

Rob writes….Like I said, I’ll bring it next time and you can decide.

But I do ask that you let go of the fear of not knowing your number. That number is weighing you down, has always weighed you down. Once you let it go, you’ll never look back.

To answer your question, yes, it’s bad that your weight loss gives you a high. Right now you’re in withdrawal from a lot – food, your old lifestyle, the numbness of escape. You’re an addict looking for a “hit”, a big payoff, a reward to make you feel good and you want the scale to be that for you. Giving the scale that power is dangerous because you put so much faith in it to make you feel good and to also make you feel really bad. (And in the past, I bet the scale has been so disappointing that you maybe even had a food binge because you were so upset that you didn’t lose any weight that week?) The scale has never helped you in the past. I know you think it did in the beginning, but it actually keeps you addicted to the business of losing weight and postpones the inevitable. it’s like a nicotine patch for smokers until they finally rip it off and go back to smoking.

You’ve said many times that you’re goal-oriented and that seeing your number is the motivation you need. But ask yourself why your goal of choice has to be a number on a scale? Walking 3 kilometres in one day, climbing the stairs faster than you did before, walking down the hill and back up in riverdale, walking down the hill and across the bridge and once around the racetrack and all the way back… these are goals as well. The difference, and this is a big difference and something that’s very important for you to think about, to meditate on, and to breathe through, is instant gratification. Food has always been your instant gratification when you were depressed and stepping on a scale offers the same thing. The fitness goals delay gratification AND you’ve got to work very hard to get there. They also distract you from the business of losing weight which is exactly what you have to do if you’re ever going to change your identity. If you can find a way to transfer your joy from the former to the latter, to put more faith in what you can do, then success will be yours.

Think now of a bigger fitness goal. Walking to and from work? Walking 5 km? Train for it and achieve it. Practice for it and hear it. Build your confidence from what you can do. Take your faith out of the scale and put it where it belongs, in yourself!

This has been tough love with Rob Moore.

Wendy writes…Holy shit ! …Tough love indeed…. arrgh… keep the dam scale then!  You are right !!!

I feel out of control without my scale fix.. you are right…  So how do I feel the control again… ??

Rob writes…Like any addict.. one day at a time. Focus on that day’s goals, achieve them and find peace in that.

Wendy writes… I feel I should post all THIS on my blog! Or maybe you can write a synopsis of this conversation… from your perspective

Rob writes….I’m actually in the process of writing a fitness book so with your permission I’d like to post our conversation in that? But feel free to post on your blog as well!

Wendy writes…okay…  I will post it.. by all means add it to the book!

I need a cigarette! Just kidding! LOL

Day 24

Did my “Rob Strength Training” workout first thing this morning. Nice that I was able to just workout in my pj’s! … ouch.. sorry TMI ! But I felt good to get it done, now just tonight my cardio.

Organization

It takes a lot of organization and thought to get everything setup so that this new lifestyle will work. For example, last night I forget that the local butcher was closed at 5pm, so I ended up ordering in some chicken. Not a good choice. Even though it was skinless, and the rest , but still it’s better to cook it from scratch yourself. Again thinking back to fitness guru Jillian Michaels, she says that all her healthy friends have tons of ‘ tupperware’ in their homes filled with healthy pre-made snacks. Eating every 3 hours I find to be the hardest task of them all, what to eat, and do I have it in the house? Again, organization must kick in.

So off to the grocery store to load up on some skinless boneless chicken, and other protein items. And some more fruit and veggies!

Wendy's Transition Room

Wendy's Transition Room- a ' PANO' pic, with a little distortion on the chair...