Day 25

I wanted you all to see the email conversation I had with my trainer Rob in the past 24 hours…Here’s how an addict reacts to being out of control! with the results of tough love from Rob.. but it worked!

On Tue, Jul 19, 2011 at 1:13 AM, Wendy Limbertie wrote:

Rob I’ve been really thinking and am not happy with the present scale situation .. I don’t think this will work !! I really need to see my progress I would like my scale back please!! Remember I have done this many times and the scale has been my great help in my past journeys. If you are using Chris Powells technique remember that all of these candidates have never tried to lose weight before .. I have .. By not having my scale it kinds of feels like not be able to hear my own concert or audition after weeks if hard practicing! Can I please Have it back ! Please believe me that this will not effect our progress it will only enhance it.. This is MY journey And I would like to control it!

Rob writes….I’ll bring it back to you but I’ll ask you this: if you think the scale was such a great help to you, how did you gain all your weight back time and time again?

The people I know who have successfully lost a lot of weight and maintained it have no idea how much they weigh. And the people I know who have yo-yoed their entire life and continued gaining all their weight back were addicted to the scale to give them the high that food used to give them: they want to feel better and that’s what food does and that’s what a big weight loss number on the scale does. And because they depended on food or the scale to make them feel better, when the latter stopped giving them their high, they turned to the former every single time.

Your identity is struggling with weight. You identify yourself with how much you weigh. It’s only natural that you’d want your identity back. I’m saddened to hear that you feel not having your scale is like not hearing your own concert after weeks of practicing. Walking further than you did before, curing your asthma, getting up off the hill in Riverdale, this is what you practice for, this is your symphony, this is what matters, and if you reduce everything to the number on the scale I can guarantee you that your weight loss journey will end, again, in disappointment. But if you can tap into the joy and freedom that fitness is already bringing you and take back the faith you put in the scale and put it into movement, then you’ve already won.

I’ll bring the scale back to you when I come over next and you can decide what you want to do.

Wendy writes…okay… You amaze me Rob! You are good!

But…What I would like to do is at least be able to see my weight for the next 12 weeks or so.. just to see that I am indeed on track.. and then take it away again, I just need to see for myself that what i’m doing food wise and exercise wise is alright!

I am a very GOAL oriented person, always have been, I need a lot of encouragement, and seeing my loss on a weekly bases is a little high for me! Yes I agree, but is that really so bad? Can’t I enjoy also see results besides the moving better, no asthma etc… ?? Thanks for you very wise words! let’s just meet half way… okay? Please don’t be disappointed ! I love that you are becoming my guru, and have very wise advice!

Rob writes….Like I said, I’ll bring it next time and you can decide.

But I do ask that you let go of the fear of not knowing your number. That number is weighing you down, has always weighed you down. Once you let it go, you’ll never look back.

To answer your question, yes, it’s bad that your weight loss gives you a high. Right now you’re in withdrawal from a lot – food, your old lifestyle, the numbness of escape. You’re an addict looking for a “hit”, a big payoff, a reward to make you feel good and you want the scale to be that for you. Giving the scale that power is dangerous because you put so much faith in it to make you feel good and to also make you feel really bad. (And in the past, I bet the scale has been so disappointing that you maybe even had a food binge because you were so upset that you didn’t lose any weight that week?) The scale has never helped you in the past. I know you think it did in the beginning, but it actually keeps you addicted to the business of losing weight and postpones the inevitable. it’s like a nicotine patch for smokers until they finally rip it off and go back to smoking.

You’ve said many times that you’re goal-oriented and that seeing your number is the motivation you need. But ask yourself why your goal of choice has to be a number on a scale? Walking 3 kilometres in one day, climbing the stairs faster than you did before, walking down the hill and back up in riverdale, walking down the hill and across the bridge and once around the racetrack and all the way back… these are goals as well. The difference, and this is a big difference and something that’s very important for you to think about, to meditate on, and to breathe through, is instant gratification. Food has always been your instant gratification when you were depressed and stepping on a scale offers the same thing. The fitness goals delay gratification AND you’ve got to work very hard to get there. They also distract you from the business of losing weight which is exactly what you have to do if you’re ever going to change your identity. If you can find a way to transfer your joy from the former to the latter, to put more faith in what you can do, then success will be yours.

Think now of a bigger fitness goal. Walking to and from work? Walking 5 km? Train for it and achieve it. Practice for it and hear it. Build your confidence from what you can do. Take your faith out of the scale and put it where it belongs, in yourself!

This has been tough love with Rob Moore.

Wendy writes…Holy shit ! …Tough love indeed…. arrgh… keep the dam scale then!  You are right !!!

I feel out of control without my scale fix.. you are right…  So how do I feel the control again… ??

Rob writes…Like any addict.. one day at a time. Focus on that day’s goals, achieve them and find peace in that.

Wendy writes… I feel I should post all THIS on my blog! Or maybe you can write a synopsis of this conversation… from your perspective

Rob writes….I’m actually in the process of writing a fitness book so with your permission I’d like to post our conversation in that? But feel free to post on your blog as well!

Wendy writes…okay…  I will post it.. by all means add it to the book!

I need a cigarette! Just kidding! LOL

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5 thoughts on “Day 25

  1. Dear Wendy and Rob,

    Thank you both so much for your honesty and open approach to an all too familiar problem. I am on the brink of participating in a medical trial (double blind, randomised, placebo controlled) about the effect of luraglutide, an adaptation of glucagon-like peptide (GLP-1) in obese persons who have trouble controlling their appetite and their feeling of being satisfied by a normal amount of food. I am actually way too big; I feel I can no longer use the fact that I am an opera singer as an excuse…The test will last for more than a year, and like Wendy, I am not looking forward to leaving my scale behind as a means of control. Every morning I am on it, and it makes or breaks my day regularly. Wanting to lose at least 30 kg and gaining five hundred grammes does not make me happy…I need the scale to have some proof to hang on to, but it doesn’t bring me what I need.

    I will take your advice to heart, Rob, and accept the tough love-approach. I am looking forward to reading your book, once it is finished. Keep me posted, please! Wendy, you are my hero anyway. You are one gutsy lady to face up to your fear and do it anyway. I’ll keep track, all the way from Amsterdam.

    xxxMarianne

    • Love Love Love! …is all it takes! …Love yourself Marianne!
      Thanks for commenting.. it’s great to see and read that I have so much support out there in cyberspace! I feel you all lifting me and my spirits higher and higher every day! We WILL ALL succeed! Glad that Rob and I can help with you and so many others that are struggling with the same issues!

  2. Rob is a hero! He can save your life, together with you, take your chance Wendy, you don’t need your scale, away with it and go, go ,go, go!!!!!xxxxxxxxxxxx

  3. That is truly fantastic. I have to agree with Rob fully. This is a form of cognitive behavioral therapy to the max! When you start to feel really energetic, and your clothes are getting looser, you know you are dropping weight and inches. The scale is a crutch!!! Go Wendy, and thank you Rob.

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